Title:        Road Runner
Original:     Woad Warrior by Nyrond and Housden
   (at least that's the version we attacked - 
    the original is "Blue Flame" by Housden)
Inspiration:  Wile E. Coyote
By:           Mike Richards and Erica Neely

Now my dinner's legs are notoriously fast,
And I chase after him all day long.
But once in a while I step back, and I think
Of a plan that can't ever go wrong.
Now my plan would destroy him in five seconds flat,
And then I'd be jumping with glee,
But the ACME devices to smite him instead
Turn around and they pulverise me.

  And there'll be beep! beep! coming down the highway,
  Beep! Beep! approaching as towards me he will run,
  Beep! Beep! passing every trap that I set,
  When this one is sprung, can I finally have won?

When hunger commands me to chase down the road,
There are certain things that I try to make.
But I always have bad luck, winter summer rain or shine,
And that painted tunnel is no longer fake.
I don't know how he'll do it, I just know he will
Avoid the traps I'd set to knock him dead,
And I know all too well, when I stand on the spot,
That the anvil will fall on my head.

And when the bird's passed it, and perfectly safe,
It is then that the real fun begins.
For I've yet to discover a way without pain,
Of disarming the blasted things.
I leave circular craters all over the place;
My efforts to escape are all in vain.
An unsubtle blend of dynamite, anvils, and falls,
Opens up new horizons in pain.

Now I'm not saying it's not a nice lethal trap,
It can break people's heads with the best.
But the sight of the load makes my head start to hurt,
And I get familiar twinges in my chest.
Now I know what they sell me is a patented device,
And guaranteed to work on you know who,
But by the time I get it the warranty's expired,
And I know I'll be the one who gets the brui...
                                            ...ses.