Title:	  Publish and be filked
Based on: Publish and be damned by Philip Alcock
Tune:	  Chris Bell
Words:	  Mike Richards and Erica Neely

When singing of fantasy or science fiction,
There are fates of which every author lives in fear,
And though nerves may sometimes lead to unclear diction,
When you see us there you know your time is near,
Now you have just sung about a single novel,
And deep in our minds an evil seed was sown,
and although you may rant and rave or beg and grovel,
You must know that we won't leave your song alone:

  You should write for us a filk or three,
  A many-verse-long filk or three,
  Write for us a filk or three
  We'll punish them... next year.

You say your song's a masterpiece, and took you many weeks.
You heard about our plans and of "compassion" now you speak?
We really cannot yield to such requests, how e'er forlorn,
Now you have had it published, then for it you'll have to mourn:

The filkers that we enjoy write round the clock,
And are turning out the originals we need,
We may not have the infamy of Philip Allcock,
But of course he's got quite a few years lead,
So never you mind the plot, just note the slickness,
And notice how close the parodies are done,
For with both of our authors legendary sickness,
We will soon be producing steals at the Tun:

  You should write for us a filk or three,
  In four or five part harmony,
  Write for us a filk or three,
  We'll punish them... next month.

You say your tune's by Adam Ant, the words about some book,
That every fan should recognise, with just a little luck,
So I scrutinised your efforts, and was pleased: you have a knack,
Of writing easy songs to filk, and for us to attack.



We fear that we both have novel ill intentions,
We plot, you will see, to slightly change your text,
Though we're having trouble matching up the scansions,
Our rhymes are so bad they're sure to leave you vexed.
We might turn your song into one about a gadget,
Or a cartoon or a story set on Pern,
If it's not out on tape then we will have to cadge it,
You would think that by now these filkers would have learned! 

  You should write for us a filk or three,
  An ose and morose filk or three,
  Write for us a filk or three,
  We'll punish them... next week.

I have revealed our plans to you, for your new morose song.
So we had best rewrite it now - it will not take us long.
You've set some notes down on a stave, the chords are not too tough...
We'll edit anybody's stuff, if it is short enough...

  So sell to us a new CD!
  A shiny untouched new CD,
  Sell to us a new CD,
  We'll punish it... today.