Title:		Ladies Night on Argo
By:		It wrote itself, through Mike Richards and Roger Burton-West
Date:		October 25, 1997
Original:	Banned from Argo, by Leslie Fish

When we pulled into Argo port in search of R&R,
The crew set out to visit every single pub and bar,
We had high expectations of their hospitality,
But found out fast it wasn't safe for spacers such as we.

  For it's ladies night on Argo Port,
  Ladies night, and the crew is quite distraught,
  We ran into some spacers there, 'twas just three girls or four,
  We won't be back on Tuesdays anymore.

Our Captain went a-walking with a lady from Grayson,
He really should know better than to mess with Harrington,
He wouldn't take her gentle "no", so she pulled a little coup,
And left him face down in the street with a dozen redshirts too.

Our proper cool first officer has lost some of his pride,
And was a good deal poorer when we beamed him back inside,
He wagered on his prowess 'gainst Alicia DeVries;
And Fury flattened logic in all three falls out of three.

Our helmsman for his shoreleave borrowed shuttle number three,
And soon was swapping stories with one Rosselin-Metadi,
They bragged about their escapades, the risks that each had run,
The last we saw, the pair were playing chicken round the sun.

When Vader thought that he was safe, he thought a bit too soon.
He suddenly slowed down his ship and said <hsss> that's not a moon <hss>
The Emp'ress of all Humankind had stopped by for a chat,
And brought along a warship that would smash the Death Star flat!

The Borg came to assimilate this lonely spaceport bar,
And ended up compelled to fly into the nearest star,
For Cam and Con and Kay and Kat were dancing there that night,
And Unit vs Unity was not an even fight.

We prowl among the space lanes fearing neither man nor beast,
Of all the Space Fleet's arsenal we rank amongst the least.
We have a super weapon that makes all our foes turn pale:
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male!